I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
