so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
