I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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