god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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