went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
please don't ironically join a cult
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