I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want her autograph on my taint
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
this is an emotional support booty call
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
