he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
