my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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