similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
