I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
