I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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