I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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