I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she peed on how many people?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It all started with a game of naked twister.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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