my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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