Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
