I wish I could teleport
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
