I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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