i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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