In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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