How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
