is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
