hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
