What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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