drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
