dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
