We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
