I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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