Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
