your thong is hanging out like whoa
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
