you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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