and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
