Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
