i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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