So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
