After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
