Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
