Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
