We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
