does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
