oh god the rape fog is back!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
