I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
birth control should be required to get into college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
