U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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