Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
