She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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