Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
