You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
