i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
