i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
