I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
