She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
